RELATIONSHIPS: SELF

We exist as individuals in a world full of billions of different people. Each of us occupying our own set of characteristics and processes of thought. Even with these remarkably unique aspects of ourselves, we are created to be communal. We are created to dwell in relationship with one another. 

Even as a millennial, I’ve watched a significant amount of my relationships completely shift in a new direction, end and begin. I have resolved the understanding that I am in relationship with every living thing, every organism. Isn’t it interesting that when the word “relationships” is mentioned, we usually think of a romantic one? False. You’re in relationship with your boss, your relatives, the person you cut off in traffic last week and even your pet. During this millennial stage of my life, I have found it most beneficial to shift my focus entirely on the responsibilities and daily contributions that arise within the relationship with myself. I don’t believe there is an order to this that one must follow, but it has helped me to completely tunnel vision my focus in the last three years solely on my relationship with Kasai. Coincidentally, I’ve discovered a deeper understanding of my role in all of my other relationships. There’s no question that this deeper understanding sprouted from my choice to monogamously date me for awhile.  No, I’m not an island, but my contributions to my other relationships have evened out beautifully only after I sought to rekindle a healthy relationship with self. Maybe your relationship with you is just fine, that’s a beautiful thing! But this month I encourage you to refocus your energy on how to take your self love and knowledge of self to the next level.

Recognition. Do you recognize your spirit? Do you recognize yourself? Do you feel out of touch with reality?  Right before I left Ohio, I grew tired of constantly looking in the mirror and not being engaged with me. Eye to eye with me, yet looking past the depths of my glory. My life was changing rapidly, and it had so many moving parts that I hadn’t even realized that I was so disengaged with Kasai. Going through the motions, ignoring the emotions.

Feet planted
Reflection present
Pupils peering back at me
Spirit screaming out to me
It’s me, it’s me
See me, feel me?
— Kasai Marie

Who am I? Sometimes our life experiences cloud our ability to answer this question without the lies of the enemy seeping through. HIs lies are like black mold over taking a beautiful place of refuge if we allow it. The mind is truly a battlefield. We can all fall victim to the negative thoughts that keep us from true self recognition. Instead of asking, “Who I am?” I had to change the question to, “Who does God say I am?”. This is where my true identity rebirthed and emerged from what Beth Moore describes as, “the ancient ruins”.

Slowly but surely the truths about who I am, because God said so began to resurface. One of the first beautiful truths was that resolution and peace from the ancient ruins of my past are both accessible to me. There is a peace that surpasses all understanding that is available to us, no matter the severity of our faults and imperfections. I disengaged from certain aspects of me that I wasn't proud of. Experiences that if I were to relive them in my thoughts, would bring back the pain of those moments. But, after the pain comes the peace. The best part is that peace is free a readily available! GO GET YOUR PEACE.

And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding
will guard your hearts and minds
in Christ Jesus
— Philippians 4:7

I made the choice to obtain a degree in Human Development and Family Studies because of my desire to understand how people become There’s this ongoing conversation about nature vs. nurture as it pertains to development in children and adolescents, but research has show that our upbringings reveal so much about the human beings we become. I’m aware that some experiences in childhood directly affected the choices I made in adolescents.However, I am not the girl I was in highschool or in college. I am a completely different woman. We evolve. THANK GOD! We can have unshakable confidence in this because God said so.It’s pretty simple. I am a new and beautiful creation in Christ. God calls me new, and he sees me new. There is no need to fear the approval of man when God is the only and ultimate approval that matters.

So then, if anyone is in Christ,
he is a new creation;
what is old has passed away—look,
what is new has come!
— 2 Corinthians 5:17
For you have died
and your life is hidden with Christ
in God
— Col. 3:3

For so long I allowed the fear of judgement to keep me from acknowledging the parts of my past that had once held me in bondage. Today, I know that fear is a lie of the enemy and facing the ancient ruins of my past, is what led me to my rebirth in Christ. We cannot know self, without acknowledging the things about ourselves that we don’t like, or we wished would have never happened. I also had to realize the EVERYONE has those things that they have done in the dark that they pray never actually come to the light. Guess what? God already knows. Talk about a spoiler alert. In fact, the bible goes even further to explain that he knows every good and bad thing that has already happened. There’s nothing that we can keep from him. He knows about that, and yep he knows about that too. The incredibly mind blowing part is that he STILL loves us. He loves you. It’s an amazing love that changes your life. Not only am I not who I used to be, but my life is hidden in Christ.

Acceptance of self. I have significance, and God wants to use me. Despite it all, each of us have a purpose that we can be sure of. God begins a work in each of us. He calls us his workmanship. He literally takes the time to work on us and with us for a specific purpose in this life, for his glory. This reveals that we have a purpose that’s definitely worth waking up in the morning. It’s worth going through the process of healing.

These truths that God used to restore my relationship with self, have been rediscovered beautifully. Though it has sometimes felt like my skin was being peeled off layer by layer. This relationship has had its incredible moments of earth shaking joy, and I am confident that there are more of those amazing moments ahead. Truth be told some of the revelations have hurt and some have felt so incredibly good. I’m enjoying courting me. I’m enjoying the journey of dating Kasai and who God says she is. Everyday of my life is not perfect. But I begin everyday with a grateful heart. The journey continues, but God is faithful and always provides the strength to see another day.

 
For we are his workmanship,
having been created in Christ Jesus
for good works that God prepared beforehand
so we may do them
— Ephesians 2:10

September is here! Fall is on it’s way, and it’s my favorite time of the year. The leaves will soon begin to change. Plants will begin their transition in preparation for a new season to come. It’s also a beautiful time to begin, or continue your season of focusing on the relationship with yourself. I challenge you, as I have challenged myself to do the things that may bring you temporary pain, but will more importantly, result in your healing. If you’ve been putting off the journey of seeking counselling, make up your mind this month to face those temporary painful moments, with confidence knowing that they only bring forth opportunities for peace.If you’ve been feeling this pull to learn more about Christ, or get find a church, take the steps to do it. Finding a church can be like shopping for the right little black dress. But when you're led by the holy spirit, you’re in more than good hands. If you live in the triangle come out to the Summit Church! Regardless, of where this month takes you, you’re worth the journey and the peace is so rewarding. I lift my mug of lemon ginger tea to you as I nurse a sore throat, cheers to your new relationship, your relationship with yourself.

Kasai Marie 

SURRENDER

Even now as I sit here writing this post for the month of August, I am continually casting out the lie that things will always be this way. This is not, and never will be the truth or biblical. I never want to be one of those bloggers that pretends. Pretending won't teach and it won't satisfy. Everyday for the last month has been a struggle against my pride and my surrender. There have been ups and there have been downs. There have been escape opportunities and that many would jump at. Though above all of this, there has been an act of surrender. I've continually chosen obedience over sacrifice. Often times my act of surrender consists of snot dripping, tears flowing, heart aching prayer, pleading God to lead me and show me where he wants me, and what he is calling me to do with the choices that are presented in front of me. Here we are, on the second day of August 2017! Where the heck did that come from? Through all of this and with a careful review of the collection of moments that have brought me here, I have noticed that I have continuously found peace in surrendering. I've been continuously coming before God with nothing but my prayers and my worship for what he has done and for the things I know that he IS going to do. I have no clue what they are, but I know that he is a God who loves his children and provides.

Typically when we as a people think of the word surrender, our minds usually compose an image of defeat. I sometimes envision an image of a women who has found herself at a loss, cowardly waiving her white flag. Society has taught us that the act of surrendering always implies a loss. I would say that the common belief is that we lose the victory when we bow down to a superior authority. My ego screams, "You're better than this don't bow down to authority!" Yet in fact, we all should be wise enough to know better. There is one act of surrender where we gain, where we win in the end. This truth is my only confidence. 

I had to accept a lot of things about my life when I decided to be ALL IN for Christ. I concluded that if I was going to rededicate my life to him yet again, that this would be it and I was never going to put myself through leaving the church and coming back again. But the truth is, surrendering happens daily. The bible expresses that this is a narrow path, and as I've matured in my relationship with Jesus this has become a very present reality. I've learned so much, but beyond those things the truth is that the sacrifices I've made in this life are nothing in comparison to the glory and righteousness that is to be gained eternally. Furthermore, God has delivered on his end of the bargain, blessing me with like-minded friendships that I prayed for for years, clearing a path before me in North Carolina, and positioning me at a the Summit Church under biblical teaching that has completely launched my spiritual maturity in Jesus to new heights. Yet my flesh STILL yearns to be the captain of this ship and the Empress of this temple called Kasai Marie. I have to surrender my life on a daily, even more so hour by hour basis to keep my thoughts focused on what is true. God will never leave me and will never forsake me. He has intentional plans for my life to prosper me and bless me. 

Is there really a need to surrender? For some people life is good. Life is great. You're in that perfect relationship, you've just moved to a new city, maybe you've just married your best friend. For others, your life may look a lot like mine right now, uncomfortable. You're exhausted. You're being stretched. Maybe your also like me, trying to catch your breath above the waves through this millennial transitional ocean of a season that this life surely does bring. Between paying off student loans, trying to excel in your career, okay let's be real..... trying to find a set career, keep up with the expectation of what your family believes your life should look like, maintaining some rendition of a social life, and "attempting" to live right... IT'S SOMETIMES TOO MUCH! Wherever we find ourselves, the common thread that is woven throughout all of our lives that I've had to digest, is that nothing in this life is eternal. Not a thing. 

Set your affections on things above, not on things on the earth
— Matthew 24:35

Everything in this life will eventually pass along. We all eventually will come to a place of breathlessness, knowing that nothing in this life last forever. I believe that surrendering is the act that grants us peace knowing that when that day comes, we are confident in where we are going. Though surrendering and sacraficing while on earth can be painful, God promises to always keep his promises. He has so many beautiful promises that he makes with us in his word and I've learned to accept them personally. I encourage you to do the same. Here's a favorite of mine:

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand
— Isaiah 41:10

He promises to not only be with us, but to help and strengthen us. That right there is a reason to smile. A reason to be grateful and a reminder to continue to surrender our lives to his will and purpose daily. 

Even when we are uncomfortable and suffering through some mess he promises to keep and restore us. I encourage you to find some time this month, today even and surrender your life. Surrender your dreams, your plans, your authority. Let it go. Find the peace that surpasses all understanding, and bathe in the love and grace that was poured out for you. There are a couple of scriptures that were presented to me when I first begun surrendering my life to Christ at age twelve, and a couple more that found their way into my life when I had fallen back into sin as I got older. Like many people, I feared I had gone too far to be cherished and redeemed by God, through Christ. I also enjoyed the comfort of my sin and the lifestyle I was living and didn't want to sacrifice it. I didn't want to surrender. I'd like to share these passages with you today in hopes that they bless you too, and encourage you to surrender. Your eternal life is worth the temporary sacrifice. Until next month... 

9 If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. 13Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord, will be saved.
— Romans 10:9-10, 13
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all our your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
— Proverbs 3:5
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death
— Romans 8:1-2
For it is by grace that you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from your selves, it is a gift of God
— Ephesians 2:1