This month’s post is not suitable for children under the age of 18. Content includes topics and themes surrounding sex, and sexual & physical abuse.
Last month I expressed that I’ve been on a three-year-long journey of slaying my imposter syndrome. If we are honest with ourselves, I believe that we all have this little voice that challenges our self-belief system. Some of us are just better at addressing or silencing that voice than others. If we aren't careful that little fallacious voice becomes an unreliable source of brokenness that we build our lives upon. Our self-belief system begins to operate in a misled cycle of untruths. Churchgoers often call this “the work or voice of the enemy”. Others simply call this doubt. Regardless of what you decide to call it, I believe it is a voice that must be tamed and conquered. Once the root of the lies is addressed and slayed, we are reminded that we are in complete and total possession of our minds.
Lies flutter comparable to butterfly wings
Betwixt imbedded celestial matter
Enclosed in lobes
Deceitful whispers
Nothing changes
Always right here
Prisoner here
Where you belong
Longing
Soul screaming
I’m worth more
There’s got to be more
Bleeding out traumas past
Hammer to hand
Hammer to skull
Hammer to the cell
Assessing the lies
Releasing the cries
Rebuilding the ties
Rebuilding amongst the ruin
Walls of my being
Graffitied with declarations of the broken
Vandalized
Compromised
Unclean
Self-imposed sweet nothings
External bludgeons
Internal bleeding
The absence of recognition
There is a balm
You have it
You hold it
The key
Your key
Guiding self back
Giving self slack
Moving on your path
Sacred gifts unwrapped
Potential untapped
Move baby
Move your body
Move your mind
Move beyond the fears inside
Move for liberty
Move for joy
Your key
Unlock the cell
Anointed truths to tell
Demonic spirits repelled
Move baby
Pick up your feet
Take up your sword
Move baby
Keep Moving
11 year old me randomly walked into the living room as the bedroom scene of Pa and Celie played on the 90’s big-backed television screen. Completely traumatized, I vowed to never watch or read The Color Purple, like ever. Years would go by and of course, I’d catch random clips of Shuge Avery’s “Sistaaaaaaa'' musical performance or Sophia punching the white man on screen. I’d immediately change the channel. I had decided that it would be too uncomfortable and that it was unnecessary. Of course as a theater and show choir kid, I also heard Cynthia Enrivo’s incredible rendition of “I’m Here”. I fell in love with the song but honored my vow to never watch the film or read the book. The song was so incredibly powerful that I reasoned that I could enjoy it without forcing myself to watch the film.
It wasn’t until Christmas Day 2023, that I watched The Color Purple for the first time. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into, and the impact that the film would have on me. The combination of my immense intrigue of the dynamic cast of actors, and my embedded desire to never disappoint my mother, led me to make a choice that would end my decades-long vow. She had bought the tickets for us in advance and requested that we attend the movie screening as a family. I was so nervous. No one wants to watch sex scenes in the presence of their parents, especially not scenes of sexual assault. I was dreading it and all I could think about was how awkward it would be for me.
This blog is my sacred space and I will be honest and transparent here. This honesty is my truth. It is a part of my journey and I understand how sharing these truths can positively impact the healing of others. This is a safe space. You are not judged here. There is no shame here.
Let’s Go!
Despite the years of hurt, abuse, and disappointment, Celie found a way to keep moving. The film depicted a young barely teenage girl who had birthed two children by who she thought was her father. She had been forcefully separated from her two children and was then forced to marry a devil man named Mister. While Celie is a fictional character, I did take a film and literature course in high school and college. This course moved me to explore the deeper meaning of character development in films and productions that I consume.
I went on to digest and truly think about the mental capacity that it would take to wake up each morning after experiencing the abuse, abandonment, and gut-wrenching loss that Celie did. She was told so many untruths along her journey that began to dictate her self-belief system. Not knowing whether her children or sister were dead or alive, and being physically abused for years by a man who forced her to mother his children would cause even the strongest deep emotional and intellectual damage and pain.
We saw Celie begin to age on screen. As time went on throughout the film, we saw her crushed spirit become her norm. A lack of self-belief and a lack of motivation plagued her. She rarely left the house. She never made herself up. And she seemed to only cater to the care of her abusive and controlling husband, Mister. Yes, she was clothed and had a roof over her head, but her home seemed more like a prison cell of turmoil and despair. She found a way to keep moving but did not address her trauma.
We can become so consumed with life that we are so focused on moving forward and being okay, that we don't take the time to truly address the root cause of our dissatisfaction. Sometimes keeping it moving and going on with life becomes the hyper-focus of our lives that we forget that we have trauma to address in the first place. I would like to encourage you to take the time to keep moving in a way that addresses the needs of your soul.
Taking the time to decipher what direction you're moving in and why you're driven to head that way can be so useful. Before we can keep moving, we must do the work to address the source of our being and do the “work” to ensure we are in the mental capacity to keep moving in the first place.
My healing work looked like completing years of therapy, prayer, surrender to my creator, and self-acceptance that everything in my life was allowed by God for the greater good of my purpose. My work to be able to keep moving included releasing anger, sadness, and shame. My work included operating in forgiveness and implementing meditation.
If you are anything like me when I started my own self-love, self-care, and self-discovery journey, you may be thinking that this is a load of unrealistic theories that don't apply to real-life situations. I respect that and I hear you.
How do we keep moving when our hearts are broken and our souls are in turmoil?
How do you keep moving when you lose a child, a parent, or someone you loved dearly?
How do you keep moving when you're suffering from homelessness?
How do you keep moving when your bank account is in the negative and you can’t pay your bills?
How do you keep moving when you find yourself amidst bombs and genocide?
How do you keep moving when your partner or spouse cheats on you?
How do you keep moving when… fill in your circumstance….
Well, I am not a licensed therapist. I don't pretend to have all of the answers but I do have something to offer here if you are interested. Take what you need
Here are my “Five Recommendations To Keep Moving Even When It Hurts”:
1.Therapy and Counseling: I encourage seeking professional help from therapists who specialize in trauma. Therapy offers a safe space to explore feelings, develop coping mechanisms, and learn valuable tools to manage trauma's impact on daily life. Many therapists offer online sessions, making it accessible and convenient for college students and post-graduates with busy schedules.
2. Mindfulness and Meditation: I encourage you to consider introducing mindfulness practices to help cultivate awareness of thoughts and emotions without judgment. Meditation, deep breathing exercises, and yoga can aid in reducing stress, anxiety, and symptoms related to trauma. If time isn't on your side, there are plenty of apps and online resources available, making it easy to incorporate mindfulness into daily routines.
3. Creative Expression: I encourage you to tap back into creative outlets such as writing, art, music, or dance as a means of self-expression and processing emotions. Swimming at the YMCA three times a week saved my life. Find a creative expression that works for you. Journaling thoughts and feelings, painting, playing an instrument, or dancing can serve as therapeutic tools for releasing pent-up emotions and gaining clarity during the healing journey.
4. Connection and Support: I know first hand that fostering connections with supportive friends, family members, support groups, or community organizations who can provide empathy, validation, and understanding is crucial. Sharing experiences with others who have gone through similar challenges can offer a sense of belonging and reduce feelings of isolation. Online communities and forums can also be valuable resources for finding support and camaraderie.
5. Self-Care Practices: Last but certainly not least, I’d like to emphasize the importance of self-care routines that prioritize physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Participating in consistent activities such as regular exercise, healthy eating, adequate sleep, and engaging in hobbies or activities that bring joy and relaxation. Setting boundaries, saying no when necessary, and practicing self-compassion are also vital components of self-care during the healing process.
At the end of The Color Purple Film, we saw Celie reunited with her children, and we were able to experience the impeccable Fantasia Barrino perform the soul-inspiring song “I’m Here”. This song famously proclaims the lyrics, “I’m gonna take a deep breath, I’m gonna hold my head up, I’’m gonna put my shoulders back and look you straight in the eye.” I want to encourage all of my readers to take this approach when it comes to facing the painful or simply challenging circumstances in their life that may try to hold them back from their ability to keep moving.
Take a deep breath and begin addressing your life circumstances straight forward. Using the five tips provided tonight, I believe you will accomplish incredibly great things within and for yourself. I believe in you. I know that you can do this.
Keep Moving.
Kasai Marie