LEAP

She’s my mom. She’s knows me the most and knows what I’m made of. 

Give me a blog post God. Help me be sincere yet protective of my personal life. Help me to find the balance in that and in all things. 

Heal the unbelief in my heart. Move through the dueling seas of total surrender and “I’m just not sure” and take captive any thought of unbelief. 

God give me a blog post. Where I can open up about my break up and provide a resource of information to others, yet maintain my forward mobility in refocusing on self and getting this bag! 

God heal my family. Allow your Holy Spirit to encamp around their homes. May an angel sit at each window and every entry protecting my family from any harm or danger that could come their way. 

I know that prayers can be answered but it hurts to transparently pray sometimes. My life has been in continuous transition with moving for my career and I’d like to Thank you for patiently waiting for a post. I have so much that I want to write about often times, that I can’t choose. Everyday a topic of discussion arises that I want to write about based on my life experiences that day. So I sit on topic after topic waiting for the right feeling or the right one. Guess what? The right one can’t be manually selected. It’s not coming. The right one is now. 

I hate that I fell for someone who wasn’t ready to leap. I loved every single moment of our season together. Conflict arises when one side can’t seem to blend, ebb and flow and compromise with the other. The last time that I held him was right before I left for Atlanta for go OTRII with my girls. Who knew that would be the last time? Who in the ever loving world books a stay in the freaking Govenors suite at the Omni and CNN Center Hotel, see’s not only Jay Z and Beyonce, but Khalid, ChloexHale and manages to get broken up with in the same night over the phone? Kasai Marie freaking Carter that’s who. LOL. 

Everyone is not willing or ready to leap whenever you are, when we are. Some of us were  raised to leap. However, we must RESPECT even our lover’s decisions and position on leaping. When we force a leap there’s bound to be an accident. Someone is going to fall and it’s going to hurt. 

My mom saved me. Karen taught me how to leap. She taught me how to soar and is still catching me when she sees I need another boost upward closer to my purpose. Leaping is an art form and she’s just about mastered it, and her doing so has saved lives. Two to be exact. 

Karen leapt into the car and drove me back home. She loved on me and wiped my tears and reminded me of who I am. I am a dancer who knows how to leap. 

This post started off as a prayer. I really want to keep this blog transparent and GENUINE ALWAYS. Even if that means leaping and seeing the potential judgement on the way over to the other side. 

It’s freaking October 201& people! Where did the year go?! Obviously there’s no time like the present to get yourself in position to leap. You can still start a new chapter if you’re breathing. And it simply starts with taking the time to discern if its your season to leap and learn how to make it over to the other side. You will make it and I am so excited to get back to the things I love, providing content for the people I love and moving forward expressing gratitude in love. 

Ase. 

Happy Birthday to the woman whose taught me how to leap, my mother Karen Lomax

FREEDOM

When I don't write I feel backed up with thoughts and words that I can't get out from pen to paper, or in my case today, fingers to keyboard. My life in the last three months of 2018 has been everything that I expected it would be, with a little hint of chaos thrown in, perfectly mixed in the middle. My life looks exactly like I had hoped for during this season. With God leading the way, I have accomplished a lot for 27. God has been merciful enough to bless me with a career that I actually enjoy. I have the rare opportunity to pick up and move where ever my job takes me. My family is healthy and thriving in their own gifts, we’re all blessed. I’ve never been more excited about the direction my life is headed, but there was just something that was keeping me from the ability to allow myself to go “there”. The ability to produce a post that completely embodied what I was trying to say during February and March.

These last six months during my current project have been straight hustle, 10+ hour a day grind mode. Sitting down to write and collect my thoughts became harder for me to do. Honestly, I just couldn't get it done. I’d start a post about a certain topic and then it just wouldn’t feel right. I’d come home around 9/10:30P after grinding all day, shower and straight up crash, then repeat for weeks at a time.

Finally, I have embraced the sound and clear energy within me to work through these last couple of months and share my thought progression with you.

Freedom

Freedom from it all

Freedom means accepting your past and forgiving yourself for your behavior.

Loves, I saw a ghost a couple of weeks ago! It shoved me way off balance and put me in a place emotionally and mentally that I haven't had to experience in a MINUTE. There I was on a conference call minding my own business. I was headed to my car, walking out of one of the million Food Lion’s in Greenville, NC. There he was, walking right up to me in the parking lot. God is SO FREAKING FUNNY. He has a way of bringing forth people, places and things that I have been working through releasing and shoving them right in my face. He presents them in front of me randomly, almost like it’s his way of saying, alright lil girl, WE ARE DEALING WITH THIS RIGHT NOW.

What you all don’t know is, while continuously working on and through my freedom, I had been specifically working through ending all ties to past & lingering relationships with spirits. Spirits who I had on reserve, waiting in the wings of my life’s stage as maybes and potentials I’d consider later on in life. I was also dealing with spirits who I had worked through and healed from, but still hadn’t released.

Freedom means accepting the truth that you attracted the very people who have come into your life or are in your life in this very moment.

At some point we all have to sit and analyze what we’ve attracted. People, places and things, it’s all the same, and we attract it all.

Freedom means acknowledging your part in your experiences, and moving forward without regret.

Fear is the opposite of freedom. Fear is something that has kept all of us captive in one way or another. Why do we give fear so much power, but limit the true power that exists within each of us when we embrace our God given freedom? I’m not sure about you, but I have had enough of allowing fear to keep me from experiencing the true freedom that was birthed within me when God saw fit to bring me into this world.

There is nothing in this world that can keep any of us from living our true freedom other than ourselves. I truly believe that walking in freedom is a choice we make when we are fed up with dragging the chains of expectations attached to us by others and ourselves.

I want to be free.

Are you truly free? This month is about really looking at the things that hold us in bondage. I made a list, are you interested in doing the same?

If you need inspiration just sit and be honest with yourself. Be honest and heal. Here’s a snippet of mine if you are lost at where to begin;

I am free from the lie that I have to hold onto certain loves I once experienced because I may not find anyone else I love or who can love me in the future.

I am free from the pressure and guilt I put myself through when I think about the mistakes of my past.

I am free, free from being hushed, and urged to censor what I write about because my Christian friends might see.

I am free from the wounds that were created from the absence of my father and the feelings of worthlessness that came from that inconsistent presence in my life.

I am free from the sadness I experience from time to time after seeing the drastic change and strain on my relationships, due to me leaving Ohio to follow my dreams

I am free from believing the lie that I must continuously soften and dim my true self to please the people around me, and those who read my blog.

I am free from the bondage of the enormous amounts of regret, shame and disappointment I put myself through after breaking my celibacy in February. I know God loves his beautiful daughter, and that choice didn’t sever our relationship.

I am free from comparing myself to smaller women, they have their own struggles too, skinny doesn’t equate happiness, joy or peace.

I am free to embrace my African Kemetic roots, I can “Know Thyself”, abide by the laws of Maat, practice meditation and believe in Jesus.  

I am free. I am the light that radiates within me. I am the spirit of the strong resilient women who came before me, I feel their presence. I am free. I am the prize. I am the future, I hold the key. God dwells within me as me. I am his child, his arrow.

Maybe for you, you need freedom from complacency. Maybe it’s freedom from one way thinking, freedom from your families expectations, freedom from your expectations. Name it and do the work to release it and move forward.

I’m encouraging you to join me and work through the things that have kept us from freedom. As we move into the month May, let us never forget that freedom is accessible in every moment. Let us seek freedom instead of anxiety, judgement and haste emotional reactions. Let us find freedom where our comfort zones end. Let us walk in the freedom that God has gifted us, healing and radiating love and humility along the way. When we walk in freedom, others lives are changed. Who’s life is waiting to be blessed on the other side of your freedom walk? Happy April loves.

Happy freedom <3